Attos' Sketchbook and Studies NSFW Nudity

I'm glad I don't know what this is about.

@ Charlotte: LMAO I completely forgot you would see that! It was something I was keeping quiet but thanks for outing me!
@ Val: Really, you don't want to know what I had to do to get some of those pieces of armour to look right, I'll be updating soon so you can let me know if it was worth it.
And no, I'm not posting them here either, some things only your wife should see.

Edit: By that I mean MY wife not yours Val!

Realising I havent enough time to (successfully) complete my entry this month I've started on another Phil Hale inspired piece. Hope you like.
This is called 'Glorified G' as in the Pearl Jam song.

So people, I've been away for quite some time (though I have been lurking and throwing out the odd comment) and I wanted to let you know why. I now feel on enough of an even keel to talk about it though I want to warn you some people may find it a little upsetting. I'm not trying to garner any sympathy or attention by writing this but feel that talking posting about it (here and on various other social media platforms) is not only therapeutic for me but may also help others in some small way if they've experienced anything similar. Still, if you want to stop reading now feel free.

Around 20 months ago my wife fell pregnant after 15 years of us trying to start a family. Obviously we were both very excited and nervous (me? a dad? you've got to be kidding me! I can hardly look after myself!) Everything went fine until her 20 week scan when a radiographer noticed she had an unusual development. For decencies sake I won't go into the details but after a quick operation to rectify things everything seemed back on track. At 26 weeks, while we were away from home for business, her waters broke and she was rushed into hospital.
The doctors pumped her full of drugs to combat the ensuing infection and monitored her condition for 5 days before they released her to return home to our local hospital so we could be closer to family and friends.
While in the ambulance on a 3 hour trip she went into labour, our daughter was in breach position so the risk to not only our daughters life but also my wifes was very real.
Within 20 minutes of arriving at Leicester Royal Infirmary our daughter was born at 26 weeks and 6 days.
The infection that we were told had subsided was actually still very present, my wife was extremely close to developing sepsis and my daughter had been living with the infection in utero for 5 days while doctors did very little.
Our daughter, Cassie, put up an amazing fight with the help of the doctors in Leicester but unfortunately the infection had weakened her so much that she could not breath unaided and after 25 minutes we had to make the appalling and heart rending decision to give up the fight.
Cassie passed away around an hour and 40 minutes later while my wife and I held her.
I can't describe the feelings of loss, anger and sadness we felt that day and even now 13 months later we are struggling to come to terms with what the three of us went through.
I shall continue to talk about her and have some plans to do a few artworks based around my thoughts and feelings, I want to scream from the roof tops that she was here, that she lived and that even though it was brief and fleeting her time on this world mattered.

My sincerest apologies to you if this has upset anyone but I felt it was important to let you know what was going on.
Now you'll have to excuse me - I can no longer see to write.

Well that's just terrible.

I did worry that something like this may have been behind your absence but hoped that it was just business and other things.
Words and emojis don't really seem adequate for any of this.
But maybe your art can be the way to remember her and you're right with what you said, however brief it was, her life DOES matter. And so do the feelings of you and your wife, so don't apologise for expressing them.
I hope that your words and your art will help you on the journey you now have.
I'm so very sorry both for your experience and for how inadequate this response may be.

Stay strong, Atto!
RIP Cassie.

Thanks all for your kind words.
Val - Your comments aren't 'inadequate at all. For someone who I've never met in real life to have such empathy for our situation is very touching - Thank you!

Charlotte - I thought you would have known via FB - we have tried to post about Cassie as much as we are able to on there. It was a very useful tool early on to let a large amount of people know what was going on without having to repeat the story to everyone we knew. Thanks also for thinking of us - it means a lot. *hugs back*

Banj - The last thing I wanted was to depress or upset people on what, for me, has always been a very positive and uplifting community site. I certainly wouldn't have expected to read something on here like my post. As I said in my OP I never wanted to garner sympathy or attention and I certainly don't want to distract people from the whole reason we are here - art. Thanks for your comment and support.

I'm going to post as much as I can but I'm really struggling to concentrate on drawing and my focus slips away all too easily at the moment.
I'll continue to view all your posts and add the odd comment here and there and we'll see - I might even get round to throwing something in for the monthly challenge (though I was never very good at getting things finished anyway).
Thanks again,
Martin.